Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
