He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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