You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
