I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
