I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
