A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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