I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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