Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
