Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
