yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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