i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
