You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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