i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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