Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
