My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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