WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
