i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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