In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
