If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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