I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
