Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
