apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
