I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I want a musical about memes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
