Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
