she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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