Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
