we're chasing vodka with high fives
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
