What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
