I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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