i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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