remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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