he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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