fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think I died a long time ago.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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