absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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