What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
