What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
