I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
