If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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