I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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