with your own penis?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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