We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
