there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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