Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
