trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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