Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
