I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
