i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
