he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He has the fingertips of a God
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
