Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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