She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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