I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
