Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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